Wolf Crooks

My Senior year of high school I became good friends with Mike C. who was a pk.  Now, for you who do not know, pk stands for "preacher's kid". There is no greater holy terror than a pk. If there is trouble to get into, the pk will find it. If you wish to be led down the path of degradation, there is no better guide than a pk. Yes, they know how to rebel in the finest way.  So one lunch, Mike tells me, lets go get some Wolf Crooks. I, having no idea what Wolf Crooks were but having to maintain my air of coolness, agree.  Ok, for those who are as ignorant regarding Wolf Crooks as I was, here is the scoop. These are cigars soaked in rum. The ad from that time states "if you were soaked in 149 proof rum, you'd be a little crooked, too." The effect of all this rum soaking is to make a smelly, nasty, rank cigar. The kind of cigar that if a man were sitting in front of you at the ball game smoking a Wolfie, you would get up and walk to the bleachers to get away from it. (I know, there is no smoking now in stadiums, but back then there was smoking allowed everywhere and especially cigars at the ball park enjoyed with a cup of draft Schlitz.)

So Mike and I take off in his dad's 1965 Cadillac. It was a land yacht. White and huge. We get the pack of Wolf's and smoke them like we knew what we were doing inside the car driving around.  Finally, it is time to go back to school.  One thing I hadn't considered is the smell of the Wolfs lingered. It was in my clothes, hair, skin and breath. I stunk like a week old ash tray. My first class that afternoon was gym. So fortunately, I could change my clothes and put on my smelly gym clothes and be home free from my lunch of degradation with the pk. As I am changing my clothes, Garry arrives. He says to me "Someone has been smoking, I smell tobacco." I freeze. I'm busted.  But wait, the muses call out to me with the greatest inspiration to occur in my life to that time. I say "Garry, I smell it too. I think we should try and find who it is."  Well we looked all over the locker room to try and find the source of the stench. I looked high and low. I sniffed locker after locker. We just couldn't find the source of the odor and we had to get to class. So we never found the smoker. I didn't tell you, this was a private school. Not just any private school, but a church school. Not just any church but a Seventh-day Adventist Church school and the SDA's do not allow their members to smoke. It is forbidden. It is one of the eight mortal sins. Ok, SDA's don't have mortal sins but if they did, this was number eight. So I survived another day with my pk buddy. By the way, I didn't take up tobacco.

Today, August 5 2009

How was my day? Glad you asked. My daughter, who is 14 today and 15 tomorrow, calls me at 7:17 am. I was in a deep meditation and this pulls me back to earth. She wants to be picked up and taken home from school. Well, I am not sure. My rule of thumb is if you're hurling chunks, I will come. Otherwise tough it out. So she hangs up. 7:22 the ex calls. She says go pick her up. Ok, no coffee, no breakfast. I jump into my clothes, get into the car and head south.

I realize I don't know what school my daughter is going to. She finished middle school and just started at a NEW HIGH SCHOOL. When I say new, I do mean new. So new that this school is not on my GPS. I don't know where it is. I look it up on my iphone and find the address. I go to the spot of the address and there is NO SCHOOL. I check the map on the iphone. No school. I look at the satellite photo. NO SCHOOL. So I call my daughter and ask, "Where is your school?" She doesn't know. She hands the phone to the school nurse and she can't figure out where I am. She gives me directions and I figure I need to turn around and head the other way. That is the direction where the numbers are getting smaller than the school's address. It makes no sense. But since I have fallen down the rabbit hole, I go with it.

I find the school. It appeared to be on a side street not the one with the address. So I pass the side street up and I come to the end of the round. There is no entrance to the school at its address. The side street has the front of the school. Now I am beginning to understand why engineers shouldn't smoke marijuana. Ok, just a theory. I park in this huge parking lot that is empty but for a few cars and I go into the office. I get sent to the nurse's office. I see my daughter but I can't take her because I am not authorized to take her. Suddenly I become this parent on the lam kidnapping my own daughter? Nurse calls the mom. No answer. I call the mom, no answer. Nurse asked me what school the mom works at. I say Bell but Nurse says she already rang that one and mom doesn't work there anymore.

Nurse calls no. 1 daughter who is authorized to take no. 2 daughter, tho actual parent with a court order for joint custody can't. No. 1 daughter says mom works at some school named for a president. That doesn't work. So nurse calls the San Diego School District which cannot divulge which school the ex toils at. BUT, they can relay a message to the mom to call nurse. That was a relief. By this point, I was ready to tell my daughter to jump the wall and I will pick her up on the outside of the prison compound, oops, I meant school grounds. Anyway, mom finally calls and gave permission for me to take daughter so my time in detention is over. We head for breakfast as it is now almost 10 am. Being a caffeine addict I am suffering mightily. We have breakfast.

After, we head to one of my offices. As we are driving, I get a phone call from a friend. He tells me a close friend died last night due to complications from diabetes. Services are pending.

I get to the office and begin taking care of business when I get a call from the ex. She left her lights on and the battery died. I also find out that her cell phone died as well. So I call AAA to take care of the car and I have one contract to quickly review, I drive up to the dead car and it is gone. Apparently AAA beat me to it and started the car. By this time, my iphone's battery dies. I had used to much energy on the internet trying to find the school. So I have no cell phone.

I take daughter no 2 to daughter no 1 and fall asleep on the couch. Too much for one day. When I finally get home and charge my phone I have 25 messages.